Hey all! I’m starting a new addition to the site called “Dear Becca”. Guys and gals can e-mail me (firstname.lastname@example.org) your dating questions, whether it’s for you, or a friend, or just in general. I’ll post them, anonymously of course. Here’s our first courageous lady’s question:
I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months now, and I think things are going well! I’ve started to really like him, and I know we aren’t seeing anyone else but each other. The only thing that really bothers me is that I feel like I’m the only one making plans for us to see each other, and I wish he’d take more initiative. Is there any way I can get my guy to man up, and make plans?
Great question! I think the situation is very common among people in our age group. It’s hard to get out of that blurry, middle ground between casually dating and being in a relationship. First of all, that’s great that you’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months and things are going great. I feel like that’s the biggest hurdle to get through. I have to ask though, have you actually had the “we’re exclusive” conversation? I know a lot of times you’re totally sure that each of you isn’t seeing other people, but usually I find that it’s extremely important just to have a conversation about it. Saying to him out loud, “Hey, I really like you. I just wanted you to know that I’m not seeing or sleeping with anyone else. I like where this is going, and want to see what happens.” Or something along those lines. Even though you both already know it, it’s so important to have that conversation because it’ll both make you feel more comfortable and open in the relationship. This also will open the doors of communication!!! As we all know, communication is absolutely KEY in a successful relationship.
It’s hard in this situation because you know he likes you, and I’m sure he wants to spend a lot of time with you. You need to identify if he’s just lazy or is scared to ask you to hang out. If you have NOT had the exclusive conversation, this could be a reason why he’s not “manning up” and making plans with you. He may not know where he stands in your relationship. I think if you make it clear to him that you like him and you only want to date him, he’ll be more motivated to make plans with you. If you have had that conversation, and he’s STILL not making plans, then YOU’LL have to man up and talk to him. It’s important to express your expectations and desires. You can even be playful about it. You can almost have a competition of who can plan the best dates. Or find something that you both love doing, whether it’s sampling different kinds of beer, going to trivia, or watching movies, and then take turns finding a new place to go or a new movie to watch. Then you guys are equally planning dates and turning it into a game or competition will bring out his inner manliness to feel the need to impress you and win you over.
Hope that helps! Readers, feel free to comment if you agree or disagree, or just want to put your two cents in! Good luck!