So I was at a party the other night and met this girl. We talked for a while and parted ways at the end of the night. I awoke early the next morning to fetch a glass of water and noticed on my phone a Friend Request from said girl – at seven in the morning! I thought that was a bit odd, and it completely killed any sense of “the chase.” I am wondering if you could shed some light on facebook friending/messaging etiquette, and if men and women have different thoughts on the matter. I personally give some thought to the issue of timing, but I wonder if this is just time wasted.
Dear Luddite Bro,
I wish there was a simple way to answer this question, but sadly, there really isn’t. Everyone has different Facebook friend-ing etiquette. I do, personally, think that she friend-ed you way too quickly if she was romantically interested (give it at least a day people!). But I don’t think you should use that against her. It seems like you weren’t interested in her regardless because, had you been, I would assume you would have been excited to get her friend request, not weirded out. Also, I don’t think “the chase” that I’ve discussed recently pertains to Facebook friend-ing. If she has been non-stop Poking you, Messaging you, or Facebook chatting you, then yes, there is no chase there, and she’s never giving you any space to pursue her (if that’s actually what you want).
When it comes to Facebook etiquette when there are romantic feelings on the line, I would use Facebook as a way to send them funny/ interesting articles or GIFs, not as an excuse to contact them all the time. If you don’t already have their phone number, it may be a good way to retrieve it (don’t take it from their profile if its there!). You can ask the person out via Facebook message if you desire maybe saying, “Sorry I didn’t get a chance to get your number the other night, I’d love to take you out for drinks some time”, or something of that nature.
I wish I had more words of wisdom in this department, but I think the same thing for texting goes for Facebook-ing, use it wisely and don’t be creepy or crazy. Don’t go on a drunken “liking” rampage and start liking all their posts and pictures, and NEVER Poke someone that you’re romantically interested in (unless you’re already dating, and you both find it funny). I don’t understand why girls/ guys today think it’s still OK to poke random people who they hardly know. It’s creepy, don’t do it!
Luddite Bro, I hope this was some what helpful. At the end of the day, don’t sweat the small stuff (like how quickly a girl Facebook friends you) because it really doesn’t matter. Try not to over-analyze these types of things because you wouldn’t want someone reading too much into something you didn’t even think twice about. If you’re not interested in her romantically, you now have a new Facebook friend you can stalk when you’re bored at work, and if you are interested in her, go for it! (But NO poking!)
E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more questions!