I had a date scheduled last week with a girl I’ve traded a few messages with online, but she had to cancel due to work reasons. She asked if we could reschedule for a day this week, but last night she messaged me again asking to reschedule. She was very apologetic, and I totally get that work stuff really isn’t under her control. But at the same time, I feel like I am somewhat weakened, or maybe seem a tad desperate, by repeatedly changing my schedule based on her availability. I really am interested in meeting and getting to know her, but at what point should I call it a day and move on? Part of me also thinks that if shes having such difficulty arranging to meet for a drink after 7pm, she might not have the time to really develop a relationship at all. Thoughts?
Rain Check Rob
Dear Rain Check Rob,
Scheduling a date seems to be a common problem in the online dating world. I have talked to many other men and women who are dealing with the same issue that you are; their date keeps rescheduling due to their busy and unreliable schedule at work. Normally, if a girl continues to cancel on you before your first meeting, I’d tell the guy to take that as a hint that she actually is no longer interested in dating you. I don’t think this seems to be the case with your scenario since she is continuing to reach out to you and offering you another date to meet.
This is a difficult situation to evaluate because it seems to be out of her control, but at the same time, her crazy work schedule should not be continuing to effect your life and hurting your ego. Each time she asks to reschedule, I can imagine part of you is losing interest. It seems that week nights are an issue for her due to her career, so I would suggest to her meeting on the weekend instead. I know usually in the online dating world we would rather schedule our dates on the week nights in order to save up our actual free time with our “real friends” for the weekends. If you want to make dating a priority in your life, you should treat it as such and take her out on a Friday or Saturday night, or even for coffee or brunch during the day if you’re trying to save some cash. You both have to compromise.
I can only imagine your frustration with the constant rescheduling to just meet her for the first time. I don’t think it’s too skeptical for you to think that pursuing a relationship with her may be a waste of time if she can’t even schedule one date with you. However, I do think that the first date may be hard to schedule BECAUSE she’s never met you, and may not feel like she owes you anything yet. Once she meets you, and you dazzle her with your personality and charm, then she may not be as likely to keep rescheduling. That being said, I think it is totally your decision whether or not you want to keep playing the rescheduling game or give up. If it were me, I’d probably remain interested in meeting the person, but I would maybe take one or many eggs out of that basket. Continue to pursue other ladies, and who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone else while you wait for this other girl to pencil you in.
While on the topic, it is important to realize that many people who are choosing to online date are doing it because they’re “too busy” to meet people the “normal way”. It’s a tough predicament for people of our generation to be in. Most people our age are making their career a priority over their love lives. They are lazy when it comes to pursuing a match online and bringing it in person. This topic brings me back to an earlier post I wrote about Millennials and online dating. I think we are putting love and romance on the back-burner, and dates have turned into casual, week-night happy hours instead of something more intimate and well-thought out on a weekend. Check out my article here.
If you really want to meet her, try scheduling a date on the weekend if week nights are no good for her. If that still is not working, then maybe put her on your back-burner as she has clearly done to you. I honestly think that if both of you are dying to meet each other, you will meet. As long as you both are not making meeting each other a top priority, it will never work out. It is your call what the “last straw” of canceling will be. As a message to all of us Millennials out there, if you’re going to be on an online dating site, you need to make sure you have time to not only message people on it, but also MEET THEM! Isn’t that the point of online dating? To eventually meet the person? No one is too busy to fall in love, or at the very least put aside your real life to get a beer with someone who thinks you’re all that (and a bag of chips). In typical Becca fashion, I’ll end with a pearl of wisdom. Go for it, or get over it.
Hope this was helpful!
E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more questions!