Hey lady bro,
So I met this girl on OK Cupid, we texted a bit, and then one night she pretty much told me to F off (apparently her interpretation of “Hey what are you doing” was me being judgmental)
So I brushed it off, online dating isn’t always perfect, but 2 weeks later she messages me, apologizing and saying that we should hang out. I figured why not, so we made plans for the following week. We went to this divey bar, has a great time, I had her laughing the whole night, great conversation, flirty touching, all the signs things are going right. We ended up back at my place and hooked up on the first night. 2 days later she wanted to cook me dinner and we hooked up again. Then I purposely planned a day date so we wouldn’t hook up, and it went awesome. This girl seemed like the total package, I enjoyed hanging out with her, and we really seemed to get along great. We made plans to hang out a few days later, which never happened. She became super cold in her text messages (like she had the first few times we messaged), I started to text less, as to not seem pushy or clingy, but then she would send me a text with some great life update “I got a lead on a job, I just did this awesome (insert bucket list item) thing” you know, the kind of stuff you would want to share with someone you were interested in, but when I would say “lets hang out” shed shut off and stop texting me. Now the trail has just went completely cold. I know things are over, but my question is, do I ask her what happened? or just chalk it up to a great week fling that fizzled out.
Super bummed bro
Dear Super Bummed Bro,
First of all, I am so sorry that happened to you! This whole situation seems completely uncool and unfair. This chick was not being honest with you and ended up leading you on in a not so nice way. Good for you for having such a great attitude about it. People can be so harsh sometimes!
I think you handled the situation as well as you possibly could have. It seems like she really doesn’t know what she wants right now; whether or not to be dating (you or anyone else). As to your question, I think it is completely your call. It is because of situations like these that I always tell people to officially end things (anything more than 2 dates), even if it’s through text message, because it doesn’t leave the other person thinking, “WTF?” Being fazed out, when someone just stops talking to you or ignoring your calls, is cowardly, and it just sucks all around.
If you want some kind of “closure” on this situation, which is perfectly fair since you were so into her, then by all means contact her and ask her what happened. However, it is very possible that she won’t even respond to that because she can very easily ignore your texts. If you know that going into it, and you’re prepared to be ignored yet again, then go for it. Worst case scenario she ignores you or tells you something horrendous about why she “ended” it, and best case scenario you realize it has nothing to do with you at all, like she doesn’t want to date only one person right now or maybe she met someone else.
It is completely your decision whether or not you want to get answers from her. If you do want answers, I would mentally prepare yourself for your own worst case scenario. If you don’t want to find out what happened and just “chalk it up to a great week fling that fizzled out”, that it totally fine too. Nothing can take away the fun week that you had with her, but it is smart not to dwell on this girl or pursue her any more, because she clearly does not know what she wants and is capable of playing mind games with you (ain’t nobody got time for that). Mourn the loss of the relationship that never was and then go to the gym and blast some Britney Spears to empower yourself (OK- Maybe that’s just me, but you get the picture). Time to move on in a healthy way, and meet some new girls who won’t play games with your mind and heart.
E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more questions!